Title: Fetish Author: Alisha Rating: R Classification: SR Spoilers: None Keywords: Alternate universe DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully and Phoebe are NOT MINE. Sorreeeee. I own Blaize, Jonathon and Suzy and all the TV shows/films etc. FEEDBACK: This isn't really supposed to take itself seriously, so don't bother flaming me. Not that anyone ever has. Flamed me, that is. Actually, flame me if you want, cos I've never experienced flaming and I think I might be missing out. Not to say that you should deliberately flame me if you liked the story, or if you didn't even bother to read it. Just call it constructive criticism. But do give me feedback, please. I'm at kleinjan@btinternet.com so please mail me ::sincere and persuasive smile:: SUMMARY: Mulder is in dire danger of getting his very own mad-obsessed stalker, who will stop at nothing. RATING: There're a few bad words, I admit it. And a teeny tiny bit of violence, not really graphic, though. Hardly worth mentioning. NOTES: Like I said, this isn't supposed to take itself seriously. I had to write it like this, cos IMHO, it's a damn goodlooking storyline. Just it'd probably be better if someone else wrote it. And half-way through, I found myself badly skitting American TV/Films etc. Sorry to anyone who likes the cheesy soaps (Terri) and the entertainment shows (my mum), and the brainless action flicks (Tippytoes), and etc, etc. No offense intended. I previously wrote this under 'Margi Kleinjan'. I'm not plagerising myself, honest. SLIGHTLY NERVOUS REALISATION STATEMENT: I guess if I'm honest, this is just one big skit of certain people I know and some I don't, and the way they reacted to DD and TL's marriage. Not that any of 'em would ever do what happens in this story, but this is what it's based on. I'm not saying anything on this matter, BTW, cos whenever I make a comment about this particular issue, somebody somewhere bites my head off and flames it to pieces. Sorry, y'all. DEDICATION: This is dedicated to Craig and Kieran, who fuel my need to argue every Friday afternoon, and to Terri, who will never read this fanfic. I HAVE MY PRIDE. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Fetish By Alisha *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hollywood Fanzine, June 1996 Hot and sizzling on movie screens across the country this weekend is new action flick, 'Hot Guns', starring the gorgeous hero, Fox Mulder. This sequel to hit blockbuster, 'Bite Bullets, Sucker', is sure to be raking in the dollars, if not just from Fox's adoring fans alone. Over three hundred female admirers arrived at the premier on Saturday to catch a glimpse of their hero. However, sorry girls! He turned up with a mysterious beauty on his arm, appearing blissfully happy. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed the engagement rings the two were sporting...... Congratulations, guys! "Shit." Dana mumbled. Dana's best friend Suzy looked up. "Huh? I can't understand a damn word you say with that thing in your mouth. Did no-one tell you smoking can kill you?" "Yeah, yeah." "So what's up?" "This damn bimbo." Dana held up the article she was cutting out of the magazine. "She looks quite classy to me." "Puh-lease. Are we supposed to believe that he's actually in love with her?" "I dunno, Dana, and quite frankly, I don't care." "Oh God, Suzy, you're so BORING." "ME!?! I'm not the one who keeps these pathetic scrapbooks on pretentious movie actors." "He's *not* pretentious. I've seen him in interviews and stuff, and he's a really great guy." "Listen to yourself. *Anyone* can be charming for the cameras. He's just a dumb actor, that's all." "You don't understand!" Dana complained. "No, I don't. And I don't wanna get sucked into your weird little dimension, either." Suzy began to file her nails. "Anyway! You'll never guess what happened to me at work the other day. I got in, and there's this parcel on my desk. And, Dana, you'll *never* guess what was inside it." Dana stared into space. "I mean, Hollywood marriages never last long, do they? I'll give it three, four months tops." "Are you even listening to me?" "Yeah. You don't wanna get sucked into my weird little dimension. That's fine. But don't expect me to listen to you next time you have a problem." "Get it into your head that this *isn't* a problem. It's two people on the other side of the country who love each other, being happy. Nothing to do with you at all." "I'm going to open up the shop." Dana began to clear away her mess. "You just don't understand me at all, do you?" "No, I don't. Go to work." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The Enquirer, July 1996 Well folks, the rumours are true. Yesterday afternoon, dashing action hero Fox Mulder got married in St. Catherine's church. The lucky woman was practically unknown model-come-actress, Phoebe Green, who eagle-eyed film buffs will recognise from the little-known movie, 'Escape From Gray Swamp Pit of Hell'. Phoebe's film debut was a massive flop last April. "Serves her right." Dana took her cigarette and pressed it up against the face of Phoebe Green. The paper began to blacken, and then a hole slowly began to form with tiny, glowing, orange lines around the edge. Dana blew the fire out when Phoebe's entire face was gone. "What *is* that grotesque dress, anyway?" She whispered to herself. "I bet you made it yourself, didn't you? Out of old curtains. #Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens....#" Dana giggled. "What *does* it look like?" "Are you talking to your pictures again?" Suzy asked from the doorway. "No." Dana closed the magazine. "No, I was just singing to myself." "Whatever. I'm going to work now." She stopped and sniffed the air a bit. "And if you're still burning paper by the time I get back, I'm getting you arrested." Dana stuck her tongue out as Suzy left. She didn't feel much like acting grown-up. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Two weeks later Suzy sat by the phone, waiting for it to ring. Every noise she heard, she expected to be the 'brrrr' of the phone, and then Dana's voice on the other end. But it never was. She'd disappeared just over a week ago, without leaving a note or anything. Suzy switched on the TV, tiredly, and began to channel surf. "So, Crystal, tell us what happened." "Well, ever since I was fourteen, Gayle's been stalking me." "Stalking you?" "Yeah." "In what way?" "She'd stand outside my house for hours on end, and write me letters, and call me up, and follow me around." "Well, maybe she was just trying to be your friend?" [flick] "Hey, look at this *amazing* new device from Wonderblades - It slices, it dices, it juliennes - And look at this - you stick the egg in this end here, and....... voila! Shelled and whisked..... it also separates, and soft or hard boils your egg in a matter of seconds." "That *is* amazing." [flick] "How many chickens can you see in this field, boys and girls? Shall we count them? One..... Two...." [flick] "This is Blaize Macallister reporting from the Star-studded National Television Awards here in LA. This is a big *big* night for America's TV stars - the best of the best are here tonight, and a great range of celebrities are here to present the awards. Look over there, it's the cast of 'Sandy Beaches' - certainly glamour personified. And there's Louanne Paige of 'Neurosurgeons!' fame. [Gasp] And look........ it's adorable new couple Fox Mulder and Phoebe Green." Suzy sat upright. "Well don't they look just the cutest together? They've been married nearly a month now and..... oh.... what's this....... Well I never, someone appears to have escaped from the crowd's confine - she's...... she's attacking Phoebe Green!" Suzy squinted at the TV set. "This is totally unprecedented..... she seems to have spilled what looks like.... yellow paint over Phoebe Green's gorgeous black dress! And now the cops are taking her away. Oh, poor Phoebe." Blaize turned back to the camera. "Well, this is Blaize Macallister reporting on the *amazing* live action here at the NTAs here tonight. Back to the studio, Jonathon." "Thanks Blaize. Well, well, well, there certainly are some lunatics out there, aren't there? Ha, ha, ha." Jonathon frowned and pressed his finger to his earpiece to hear the message coming through. "Oh... well, it seems that we have the attacker on a camera at the NTAs, so we're cutting back to Blaize now, in LA." "Thanks, Jonathon. Well, yes, I *am* here with this young lady.... what's your name?" "No comment." The young woman had a policeman either side of her, holding onto her arms. "Oh my God, Dana you didn't." Suzy clutched a pillow to her as she began to laugh. Blaize held the microphone to Dana's mouth. "What on earth possessed you to attack Phoebe Green in that way?" She asked. "Well, er....... because I'm pregnant with Fox Mulder's baby." Dana was deadly serious. Suzy didn't know whether to laugh or cry or call the asylum - she watched wide eyed and riveted. Blaize's mouth dropped open. "So you threw a pot of yellow paint over his wife?" "He told me he'd run away with me. And he didn't." "So why not attack *him*." "Because she brainwashed him. It's her fault." Blaize turned to the camera. "Well this certainly is an exclusive we have here - this woman - what did you say your name was, honey?" "Uh...... Dana Scully." "Dana Scully here reckons she's pregnant with action superstar Fox Mulder's baby. Dana, have you any further comments to make?" "Uh, yeah. Suzy, if you're watching this, I'm okay. I'll be home as soon as I've sorted this mess out." "On that bombshell." Blaize turned to the camera. "Back to you Jonathon in the studio." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Enquirer, August 1996 CORNER SHOP GIRL PREGNANT BY BEEFCAKE MULDER At the NTAs last Sunday, Fox Mulder's beautiful bride was splashed with yellow paint from the woman who claims to be carrying Fox's baby. Hot on the scene was Channel 27, and Dana Scully, 26, was quoted as saying 'He said he'd run away with me, BUT HE DIDN'T.' Fox and Phoebe are keeping a low profile, but attended a press conference last night during which they denied all the allegations made by Miss Scully, who works in a corner shop in Michigan. "Twenty-six my ass." Suzy said, as she cut out the article and aversely stuck it into Dana's scrap book for her. "Only you could get away with that, Dana." She paused, looking down at Dana's picture from the Enquirer. "See what you've done? You got me talking to magazine pictures, just like you do. Geez." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* LA, later that month Fox Mulder sat in his 65 million dollar home, wearing his shades to soothe a hangover and watching his wife pace back and forth across the room. "It'll die down soon. There's not point getting all worked up about it, is there?" "That's *not* the point. I was *humiliated* in front of *everyone*, and now this *waify* little madam is selling these *lies* to the paper." Phoebe took a long hard drag on her cigarette. "It's the Enquirer, sweetie, it's not a big deal." "And you know they didn't arrest her?" "Sure they did." "But they let her go." "She paid off her fine." "Hmmph. And *where* do you suppose she got the money from? She works in a sweet shop. A goddamn *sweet shop*. So tell me, where did she get the money from?" "I don't know. Just cos she works in a sweet shop doesn't mean she doesn't have any money. She could have been saving." "Or she could be a prostitute. Anyway, why are you defending her??" "I'm not. I just think you should calm down." "Are you telling me to shut up?" "No." He was too tired to argue at this point - but she was seriously starting to piss him off. "You are. And you're having an affair with this whore!" "Shut up." "Oh *now* you're telling me to shut up." "Yeah. SHUT UP." "Fine. I want a divorce." "What?!?!?!?! Phoebe, wait. We can't divorce, how would it look to the media if we split up now??" "Is that all you care about, you.... fiend?" "What a slap in the face." He muttered, and then said to her face, "*You're* the one who's all uptight about the article in the Enquirer." Phoebe burst into paroxysms of prolonged wailing. Mulder threw his hands in the air and stormed out. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michigan "Hello?" Suzy picked up the phone, anticipating, "Suzy, it's me." "DANA?!?! Oh my God!" "Isn't it *great*?" "GREAT?!?!?!? *GREAT*?!? You think this is *GREAT*?" "What's not great about it?" "Dana, you're like those women you see on magazine covers, who claim aliens kidnapped their body and now they're carrying Elvis's child." Dana stopped. "Are you comparing Fox Mulder to Elvis?" She asked, peeved. "So you're admitting it's all lies?" "Did ya see me at the awards thingy? I mentioned you!" Swift subject change. "Yeah, two minutes after you graffitied Phoebe Green into a mustard weenie." Dana shrieked with laughter. "Wasn't that great?" "Dana, you got *arrested*. What the hell happened?" "I paid the bail, didn't I." "Where did you get the money?" "That's for me to know and for you to find out, Sooooooooooozy." "Where are you, Dana?" "I'm in Pasadena." "Are you okay?" "Sure. I'm great. Listen, as soon as I've sorted everything out, I'll come home." "You said that when you were on TV the other day. What do you have to sort out?" "This whole pregnancy thing. I intend to play this to the full....... I gotta go, Suzy, my money's running out." "No, Dana wait......" [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep] *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* LA, later that night Dana, dressed all in black, peered through the huge security gate. [Piece of cake] She told herself, sliding her head through the bars. Like a cat, where her head could go, the rest could usually follow. So she eased through and dropped quickly to the ground, crawling to cover under the nearby bushes. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michigan Suzy was clearing up the apartment, when she came across Fox Mulder and Phoebe Green's wedding photos. And found the head of Phoebe missing, the paper surrounding where it once was, brown and black, and crumbling to ash when she touched it. "Sweet Jesus." Suzy stared at the magazine, and the scrapbooks, and all the many, many assorted photographs and articles which fell out as she rifled through Dana's belongings. She hurriedly tidied them up, and then sat down to watch for any more news of Dana on 'Exclusive Entertainment'. The two presenters looked like they'd overloaded on cheese before on-air. "Hi. I'm Jonathon Turnipseed." "And I'm Blaize Macallister." They said. Suzy tucked her feet up and got comfortable. "On tonight's show, we visit a woman who claims her cat can quote scenes from everyone's favourite medical drama 'Neurosurgeons'." "We take a sneak preview at the new multi-million dollar movie, 'ARSON!', which has just started filming, and stars the newly-wed Fox Mulder." "But first, we're going backstage at the NTA awards to meet the stars, and we'll be talking to Dana Scully, the now-famous shop-girl who almost stole the show. Blaize?" "Thank-you, Jonathon. Now, does anyone in the country not know about this woman?" The picture cut to a still of Dana. Suzy screamed. "Well, if you've been living under a rock for the past two weeks, then you'll need to be told that this is Dana Scully, the shop-girl from Michigan who claims that she's carrying Fox Mulder's child, and attacked the superstar's new wife at the NTAs last Sunday." The picture cut back to Blaize's half-serious face. "I was there." She said. "And I spoke to Dana as the police took her away." It cut to the 'interview'. "What on earth possessed you to attack Phoebe Green in that way?" Blaize asked. Suzy was giggling. "Well, er....... because I'm pregnant with Fox Mulder's baby." "YOU GO GIRL!" Suzy yelled, laughing some more. "So you threw a pot of yellow paint over his wife?" "He told me he'd run away with me. And he didn't." "So why not attack *him*." "Because she brainwashed him. It's her fault." "What *are* you on, Dana Scully. What are you on?" Suzy shook her head. It cut to the part of the film where Dana made the attack. The channel 27 news cameras didn't quite catch the 'fatal' moment, but got the second before and the seconds after, where Phoebe put on a brave face, looking down at her ruined dress, and Fox comforted her, and Dana was taken away. "We caught up with Dana again afterwards, and she told us her story." Blaize said. "Dana, how pregnant are you?" Blaize asked on the video. "Two months." Dana said. "Bullshit." Suzy said, quite happily, through a mouthful of Doritos. "When did you meet Fox Mulder?" "I was the production assistant on 'Hot Guns'." "*Crap*!" Suzy laughed. "Was this before or after he met Phoebe Green?" "Are they *tears* in your eyes, my little acting friend?" Suzy mocked her best friend from outside the world of TV. "Before." Dana squeaked. Blaize handed her a handkerchief. "Puh-lease." Suzy smacked her hand against her forehead. Blaize soothingly continued. "And how does it feel to know that Fox denies ever knowing you?" "It makes me mad. I didn't *mean* to throw paint over Phoebe, just.... she makes me real mad after what she did." "What did she do? Tell us from the beginning." "Well, we were doing the final scenes of the film, and.... one thing lead to another..... and then I told him I was pregnant, and he said that we could maybe get married. Go live someplace nice." "So what went wrong?" "She threw paint over his fianc‚." Suzy sprayed Doritos everywhere as she yelled at Blaize. Dana continued, "Well, that was when Phoebe showed up. She persuaded him that I wasn't really pregnant, and then they got engaged. It *should* have been *me* at the premier to 'Hot Guns'. It should be me in the house, and...." She began to cry. Suzy opened her mouth in a mixture of amazement and disgust, "....it should be *me* and my *baby* being looked after. He should be looking after me." "Yeah, you and the rest of the pathetic females in the country." Suzy tipped the bag upside-down and dropped Dorito crumbs onto her face, reaching around with her tongue to wipe them off. "On that bombshell." Blaize turned back to the camera. "Back to Jonathon in the studio." "Ha, ha, ha." Jonathon laughed, cheesily. "Well, whether that young lady is telling the truth or not remains to be seen." He turned to face a different camera. "Now, if I said to you, 'Quick, get me 10 ccs of saline, stat'." He chuckled to himself. "You'd all be thinking one thing: 'Neurosurgeons!'. Here's a clip." A thin woman with blonde hair, wearing tight-fitting scrubs and too much make-up, was biting her lip, and staring with baby blue eyes at an over-tanned blonde actor with no shirt on. "But, Bruce!" She said. "What are you trying to tell me?" "The truth is, Dolores....." 'Bruce' looked away for a second, and then looked back up. "....I can't be involved with you." 'Dolores' gasped. "But..... why? What about the other night?" She gushed breathlessly. Bruce looked away *again* and looked back up, and said, "Because your mother.... is *my* mother too." Dolores gasped again. "You're my little sister." The camera held on Dolores's confused face for about ten seconds, and then the scene cut. "Now that's *class* entertainment." Suzy said, as she switched off the TV and began to clear up her Dorito crumbs. Then the phone rang. "Hello?" "Suze, Suzy it's me. Have they shown my thing in Michigan yet?" "If you mean that through-your-teeth interview, then yeah. Miss Production Assistant." "What are you talking about?" "Oh come on. All that crap about how you had a whirlwind romance on the set of Hot Guns. And about being pregnant." "It's *true*, Suzy." Dana said, puzzled. "Fuck off Dana, there's no point lying to me. You remember me, don't you, Dana? Suzy??!!?! I *know* what you were doing when Hot Guns was being made, and you sure as hell weren't working as production assistant." "Oh. I see. You're jealous. Jealous because I'm carrying Fox Mulder's baby, and I'm in LA, and you're stuck working in a hairdressers in Michigan." "You're a fruitloop." Suzy said, getting annoyed, and more than a little worried. "You *actually believe* what you're saying is true, don't you?" "It *is* true; I keep telling you." "Sure. Fine. Whatever." Suzy hung up the phone, and burst into tears. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* LA, later still that night Phoebe Green had never been as terrified as she was at that moment in time. Bonds over her eyes and mouth were too tight, and she felt sick. Her hands were tied together and the feel of the bones in her hand mashing up against the other hand made her wince. "Hmmhumphm mumehph mhooo." "Shut up." She was kicked in the small of her back by a stiletto heel. "HHHHMMMMMMMPPPPPPHOOOO PMHHHHHPPPMMMMMHHHHHHMMMM." As far as Phoebe could tell, she was being dragged along the ground somewhere in some kind of body bag. She could breathe, but it was very sweaty and sticky and she couldn't see anything. Her gag tasted disgusting, like window cleaner. She was dragged along the ground a little further, and then she stopped, and she heard the zip, and felt the night air on her face. The gag was pulled off her mouth, and her hands were untied, and then the blindfold was removed. It took a moment before she could see straight again, but she recognised who she saw. "YOU!" "Yes, it's ME, Phoebe." "What the *hell* do you think you are doing?" Phoebe swung a punch at Dana, but she was too fast for her, and caught her fist before it hit her face. "Oh no you don't. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get me to lose this baby, and then you can deny everything, and go back to him, while I'm stuck being a nobody. Well it's not going to work, cos he doesn't want you. He wants *me* and my baby." "YOU'RE NOT HAVING HIS BABY!" "I fucking am!" "You're not! I don't know who you think you are, copping this attitude; you don't know Fox." "I *DO*. Jesus, woman, get it into your dumb skull." Phoebe swung her other fist, and caught Dana's chin. She screamed, and took off her high heels, and began to lash out at Phoebe with it. "Get off me." "Likely." Phoebe pulled on Dana's hair, and tried to scratch her, but Dana's high heeled weapon was more effective. The spiked heel was mostly hitting Phoebe's shoulder at first, until the deep rich red blood began to ooze out, spurt out - the blood was leaving her body in every way conceivable. "SHUT THE FUCK UP." Dana yelled, her eyes wide and excited at the sight of blood. This didn't stop Phoebe yelling - if anything, her cries got louder. So the heel moved, and stabbed and pierced and hacked its way further and further up her body until Phoebe's neck and face was one mauled, bloody pincushion. Dana kept on yelling. Dana kept on stabbing. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michigan, the next day Suzy woke up, feeling battered. She was still shaken by how scary Dana had sounded over the phone. She reached for her remote control, to switch on the news. She rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash. When she turned off the tap, she heard something surprising from the TV. "Last night, a woman was arrested for the murder of actress Phoebe Green." Suzy came running out of the bathroom. "Dana'll be pleased." She said to herself, sitting on the end of the bed and looking up at the TV. "Dana Scully, thirty-three, was taken into custody, but found dead in the police cell, after she slit her wrists with a razor concealed on her person. Miss Scully was recently in the news for being something of a stalker to Miss Green, and her husband, actor Fox Mulder. Miss Green was attacked by Miss Scully with a stiletto heel, and died from extensive injuries to the head and neck area. Both women died in the early hours of the morning." Suzy could feel herself shaking, and warm tears streamed down her suddenly cold cheeks. It had to be all a dream, she told herself over and over, but still her life carried on. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The next day Exclusive Entertainment had a more sombre tone. "I'm Jonathon Turnipseed." "And I'm Blaize Macallister. This is Exclusive Entertainment." "This morning, things took a turn for the worse with the Dana Scully situation." "Indeed. In the wee small hours of the morning, she stabbed her rival, Fox Mulder's new wife, Phoebe Green, with a spiked heel. After being arrested, Dana committed suicide whilst in the police station. Despite controversy, Fox Mulder gave this statement this morning. 'I loved my wife. The lies and injustice committed by Dana Scully did nothing to make our short marriage a happy and peaceful one, and now I must stop and ask you all. Why? What would make anybody want to hurt an angel, like my wife? Why would anybody want to ruin this happiness? Why would they do that?'." At that point, Blaize had to stop and comfort Jonathon, who had burst into tears. Suzy switched over. Neurosurgeons! had started. "But, Bruce.... what if the operation doesn't work? What if I don't pull through?" "You will, Tiffani. You gotta." The picture cut to Dolores, standing with an evil expression on her face, and a scalpel shining in her hand. "But.... Bruce...." "No more words, Tiffani. We have to perform the operation on your brain now.... or it'll be too late." "Oh Bruce!" "Oh Tiffani!" Bruce turned and saw Dolores in the doorway. "Dr. Phillips. Are you ready for the operation?" One final cut of Dolores's evil, smiling, redlipped face, and then it was time for commercial. The End kleinjan@btinternet.com You know you want to.