Dear Scully

by Kellee Jones <MYLOVE19@YAHOO.COM>

Summary: Mulder goes missing and leaves a letter to Scully in his 
wake. Of course, his disappearing act goes wrong and he needs her 
to help bail him out.

Rating: PG( Language to come later!)

I just want to say THANK YOU  to my best friend and editor 
Jessica B. The girl is a lifesaver and an excellent person! THANK 
YOU JESSIE!!!

Disclaimer: They ain't mine. Period. I borrowed them and if Mr. 
Carter sues me, all he will get is a handful of pocket lint 
because that is all I have to offer. I am a college student in 
Louisiana. Point Made.

20 Sep 1999 19:32:24 -0000

December 23, 1999 FBI Headquarters

      The man walked into the building and took the elevator to 
the basement office. He slowly opened the door and placed a 
letter on the new desk occupying space. He had finally relented 
and let the poor woman have a desk of her own. As he secured the 
letter on the desk, he hoped with all his heart that she would 
find it before she started to panic. "Well, let's hope whe 
follows the instructions I left and doesn't look for me. After 
this, the only reason she would look for me would be to shoot me 
to death and she would be justified. At any rate, I need to do 
this," he spoke aloud to himself. With a sigh, he turned his 
back, walked out of the office, to the elevator and out of the 
building, never once looking back. He got into his car and drove 
away, heading to an unknown destination.

       "It's still early," she mused. "He has plenty of time to 
get here before I start to get worried. Where is he anyway? I 
plan on interrogating him as soon as he walks in that door." The 
petite redhead looked at her watch and frowned. He was NEVER 
late. In fact, he was always early. Oh well, at least she could 
get a cup of coffee. Looking at the coffee pot in the corner of 
the office and decided to go across the street to buy a cup. She 
stepped out of the office, walked to teh elevator and stepped on, 
still muttering to herself. Fifteen minutes laer she stepped off 
the elevator into the office and looked around half expecting to 
see him standing there at the file cabinet, looking over some old 
cases. Instead, she was greeted by an empty office. She sat her 
coffee down and picked up the phone. She dialed his apartment and 
after the 12th ring, she hung up. It was at that moment, she 
looked closely at her desk and saw a letter addressed to her. It 
was his handwriting. She picked it up and opened it, reading the 
contents.:

     Dear Scully,

I should have said Dear Dana. It sounds better. I just wanted to 
say that there is no need for you to panic or worry. I have just 
taken some time off to think. I know that you were worried when I 
didn't show up and I know you called my apartment. By now you 
know I am not there. I can't tell you my location because it 
would defeat the purpose of me leaving. You would only come to 
find me, I know it. I know you. Scully, Dana, I don't know how to 
say what I want to say to you. I mean, I have known you for seven 
years and for seven years I have wanted to say it. I did say it 
once, after you had found me in the Bermuda Triangle, but if I 
recall right, you said, "Oh Brother." Dana, what I'm trying to 
say is I love you. I have loved you since the moment I first set 
eyes on you. You walked into my life and all the bad things 
walked out. You had this fire, this passion about you. You were 
resiliant, and stubborn and beautiful and you have only grown 
more of those things in seven years. You broke through to me in a 
way no one else could. I learned to trust you, and then I fell in 
love with you. You are a part of me, you comlpete my being. 
Without you, I am no one. You are my heart and my soul, you are 
the air I breathe, the essence of me. However, I am still lost. I 
don't know how you will take this. You may leave me, or you may 
love me in return. We will sort this out when i come back. So, 
until I do,

All my love,

Mulder

  "Damn him!" she seethed. "He just left. He wrote me a fucking 
letter and he leaves me?" She looked at the letter again and all 
the fight drained out of h her body. Closing her eyes against the 
tears that threatened to overflow, she tried to gain her 
composure, but her attemp failed as a tear slid past the mooring 
of her eyelid. Another one followed the trail set by that of the 
first and before long, she was wracked by sobs that stole her 
breath and shook her body to the point where she could no longer 
stand unaided. She slumped against the desk and let the tears run 
their course. A few minutes later she sat at the desk, her face 
looking waxy and taut. The phone brought her out of her thoughts. 
"Mulder!" she thought. She reached over and answered the phone. 
"Scully."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

        "Leave it to me to go and get stranded out in the middle 
of nowhere. Only I could do that. How stupid can I be??" Fox 
Mulder berated himself. Here he was, in the middle of God only 
knows where, and he was out of gas. He had forgotten to go fill 
up the tank before he left DC. Heaving a sigh, he got out of the 
car and opened the trunk. Pulling out the gas can, he tried to 
remember where the last gas station was. He realized that it was 
a good twelve miles down the road. His shoulders sagged a little 
and he tucked the can under his arm. To pass time, he began to 
sing to himself. "Jeremiah was a bullfrog..." That made him 
smile. He remembered Scully singing that song to him when he was 
hurt in the woods a few years ago. "God, she sounded awful!" he 
chuckled to himself. As he remembered it, she had warned him, but 
he had told her so what. The thought of her singing that song to 
him nearly made him laugh out loud. Mulder nevertheless continued 
singing it. It kept him in a jolly mood and he knew he needed 
that mood to last.


    "Scully."

"Agent Scully, where is Agent Mulder?"

"Oh SHIT! It's Skinner!" Scully nearly panicked. Her eyes grew 
wide and she herself struggling for and answer to the fairly 
simple question. What was her problem??

"Agent Scully?"

"Huh? Oh. Sir. Um, Mulder will be back... I mean, he uh, he... he 
stepped... i mean, oh shit. He's not here. I don't know where he 
is." Skinner tried his best to control his rage before he spoke, 
but he still sounded like he was going to pop a vein.\

  "What do you mean, he's not here? You don't know where he is? 
Didn't he leave something to tell you where he was going?"

Scully thought about the letter and decided to keep her mouth 
shut. "No Sir. He left nothing. He's probably running late. I'm 
sure he'll be here soon. When he shows up, I'll let him know that 
you are looking for him, ok?" She silently prayed that her little 
excuse would tide him over.

"Ok, but the minute he gets here, send him up to my office.

      "Jeremiah was a bullfrog..." That song was stuck in his 
head. He couldn't get rid of it. Now it was getting annoying, 
because he could hear Scully singing it to him. Her voice wasn't 
exactly pleasing. The more he thought about it, the more he 
realized that he shouldn't have left. He could only imagine what 
was going through her mind. Here he was, a grown man, running 
away from the one woman he loved, after telling her, in a letter 
no less, that he loved her. How wimpish was that? He owed her at 
least that much, to havbe told her to her face that he loved her 
and then stood there while she laughed and told everyone in the 
Bureau. He sighed again and shifted the can under his arm. He 
would be glad when he actually found the gas station. His feet 
hurt and he had to empty his bladder. Singing didn't amuse him 
anymore and he was just plain bored. He sighed. "I seem to be 
doing that alot these days," he thought to himself. Letting the 
thought hang, he walked on. After what seemed like an eternity, 
he found the gas station and filled the gas can. After paying for 
it, he looked at the stretch of highway and hung his head. The 
can was full of gasoline, and he had to walk twelve miles back to 
his car with the can. Raising his eyebrow, he wondered what he 
had done to get this sort of treatment. He screamed to himself 
and began his walk back.

        "... I love you...I am only half a body without you...my 
heart and soul.. life I live... All my love..."

These parts of the letter stood out to Scully. That and the fact 
he called her Dana. He never called her Dana.  "Mulder, had you 
stayed, you would know that I love you too. Now, I have to wait 
until you feel it's time for you to come back to let you know I 
love you with all my heart. Leave it to you Fox Mulder to do 
something this boneheaded. But," she said with a sigh, "I love 
you nonetheless. This is part of your charm."

        Oh boy. The walk back seemed shorter. Mulder raised his 
gas can to fill the tank and groaned. After switching arms so 
many times, it hurt to lift them.

"Well," he reminded himself," I'll be on my way shortly." 
Suddely, a thought hit him like a ton of bricks... He had been 
thinking about Scully since he had begun walking. If that wasn't 
a sign, he didn't know what was. But, he still had to do some 
part of this journey alone. Without her by his side. The letter 
had been a good idea. He knew it deep down. But in a way, he felt 
that he had betrayed his partner. He couldn't help the feeling. 
He finished filling up the tank and turned to walk back to the 
drivers side door. He heard a loud hissing sound and dared 
hinself to look down. There at his feet was a snake. He rolled 
his eyes and let out yet another sigh. Bad things just seemed to 
find him.

Mulder let out a small whine and looked at the snake again. This 
was his punishment for leaving Scully a letter. This was his 
punishment for telling her he loved her. Without meaning to, he 
moved and felt a searing pain in his left calf. "SHIT!!!" he 
yelled into the still night. He stumbled back and felt another 
pain in the same leg, a few inches higher than the previous. 
Pulling his gun, Mulder aimed and shot the snake, blowing it's 
head off. Two snake bites. Just his luck. Turning to his car, he 
climbed in and began to shake violently. He knew he had to get 
back to DC and he had to get back fast. He started the engine and 
began to drive back to DC. He didn't get very far before his 
stomach began to cramp on him, and he began sweating, all the 
while still shaking.

"I'm going to die out here and it's all my fault. I had to go and 
love her. I had to write a letter and then I had to go leave her. 
I deserve to die." While he was busy soing this to himself a car 
stopped alongside his.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

     "Samantha? Where are you going? Sam? Sam? Don't leave! 
Sammie!!"

Mulder writhed in the seat and tried to grab for his sister, only 
she wasn't there. "Sammie!! Please, don't take her, PLEASE!!!"

The stranger tried to restrain Mulder. "Ok, mister, I don't know 
what you're talking about, or if you're just hallucinating some 
weird event, but I do know that if you don't calm down, we're 
gonna be in the ditch."

As if the stranger's words had an effect, Mulder calmed down. 
Suddenly, he began talking again. His voice was still panicked, 
but it was a submissive panic.

"I tried to stop them from taking Samantha, but everytime I 
grabbed for her, I missed! I tried my best... NO! Dad, I didn't 
want Sam gone... I tried... OW! NO! I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO... MOM! 
MAKE HIM STOP! OW! YOU'RE HURTING ME!! DAD!STOP!NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The stranger began battle again with the writhing agent and 
nearly drove the car off of the road.

"SHIT! Mister, you have to calm down. I can't keep doing this!" 
Just as quickly as his panic started rising, Mulder became calm, 
serene even.

   "Hi Fox."

"Melissa? Did I die, or is this a dream?"

"No, you haven't died Fox, and I would like to think I'm not a 
dream. Look at me as... your guide to your conscious. I know what 
you did to Dana. You admitted love, then you left her," Melissa 
said. "I don't know what to say. She needs you most RIGHT NOW and 
here you are, sitting in a stranger's car, hallucinating and 
sweating out poison. You know," she pointed out, "it was no 
accident that you were bitten. Sometimes someone is in charge of 
the situation."

"You mean, you did this to me?"

"Well, me and some help. Dad sees how much Dana cares for you and 
he decided to do a little intervention. Make you come to your 
senses."

"Melissa, your father never knew me. How would he know how much 
or how little your sister cares for me?"

"Fox,  for someone so smart, you have got to be the dumbest man I 
know!" she exclaimed. "I know a lot about you and my sister. I 
saw you two posing as a married couple, and I saw how she took 
care of you when you were sick. Look, I see a lot of things here 
and the one thing I see crystal clear, is that you and my sister 
are soul mates. From the way you two argue points, to the way you 
speak softly when one has had an ordeal. I can see it and I know 
you see it. You told her you loved her. You nearly kissed her. 
What else can be done, or said to make the both of you realize 
that there is no escape? You two are made for each other...Oops. 
I have to run. You're at the hospital and believe it or not, Dana 
is looking for you. Fox, I see good things in the future. Lots of 
good things. Take care."

"But Melissa..."

"Now, didn't I just say I had to go? Don't worry. Dana is looking 
for you and she'll be here soon.

Meanwhile...

Click, click, click...

Scully heard every lock click and she counted them.

After the eighth click, the door opened.

"Well, well. If it isn't the gorgeous and delectable Agent 
Scully. What can I... I mean, we do for you this evening?"

Just what she needed. Frohike.

"Look Frohike, mess with me the wrong way, I will take out my 
government issue Sig and shoot you. I've shot Mulder, so don't 
even think I'll hesitate to shoot you."

"Uh..." the little man stammered. "Uh, you want a cup of coffee?"

Scully couldn't help the urge to smile a little. She could see 
the tiny man shaking.

"Relax Frohike," she sighed. "I'm just worried. Mulder hasn't 
been in touch for about a day and a half. I'm ashamed to say that 
this is the last place I thought of for help. He normally comes 
to you guys with his crazy ideas so I figured he let you guys in 
on his whereabouts," she concluded. She turned and saw that Byers 
and Langly had joined.

"Good evening Agent Scully," Byers said. "I hear that we have 
another missing Mulder case."

"Man, that guy has to keep still," Langly commented. "We need to 
put a monitoring system on him. Oh, wait, we did!"Langly 
remembered.

"Remember when he brought us his cell phone a while ago and asked 
us to fix it? Frohike, you put a tracking device in it. I wonder 
if it still works."

As he spoke, Langly went to the computer and typed in Mulder's 
cell phone number and nearly leapt off of the stool he was 
sitting on.

"WE HAVE CONTACT!" he yelled, scaring Scully and the others.

"Where is he Langly?" Scully asked.

"He's on his way back to D.C. No need to worry Scully..."

"Actually, there is a reason to worry," Scully told the Gunmen, 
biting her bottom lip. "I didn't tell you everything. I called 
his cell phone a few times and he didn't answer. In fact, it was 
turned off." She paused and sighed. After a beat, she continued. 
"I decided to try again, and I got a ring. A guy answered the 
phone and told me that Mulder had been hurt. He said that he was 
on his way to D.C with him. Before I could ask him any questions, 
he hung up. That was the last contact I had." Scully grew quiet 
and looked down at her shoes and was shocked to see a tear fall. 
She angrily swiped it away and was dismayed to see another one 
fall. She gave up on trying to hide it and broke down. The Gunmen 
looked at each other nervously.

"Ah, Scully... Are you, uh, are you alright? I mean..." Byers 
shifted from one foot to the other, uncertain of what to say.

Scully looked at the well dressed man and wiped her eyes. "Um, 
guys? I still forgot to tell you something." she admitted softly.

"What is is Agent Scully?" all three asked in unison. She chose 
to ignore what just happened as the men looked at each other.

"Um, Mulder left me a note. I have it with me. Byers, will you 
read it aloud?"

"Certainly Agent Scully."

Scully handed him the note and he began to read...

"Dear Scully:

I should have said Dear Dana, it sounds better..."

=====


          "...All my love, Mulder..."

Byers looked up from the letter and raised an eyebrow.

"You mean, he left you this and disappeared? No trace of him, no 
note telling you what direction he was heading in, who he'd be 
with... NOTHING?? " he asked incredulously.

"I told you Byers, he left just this letter and nothing else. No 
trace of him, no note telling me where he was going, who he'd be 
with, how long he'd be gone, what direction he was going in, 
nothing. It's like, he was afraid or something. What did he think 
I'd do? Shoot him? After this little stunt, I think I WILL shoot 
him." Scully answered, talking more to herself at the end of that 
sentence than to anyone else. Bowing her head a little, Scully 
excused herself to the bathroom.

"Um, guys," Langly said after Scully disappeared in the bathroom. 
"I don't know if I should have said this while Scully was in the 
room, but I thought it better if I didn't. Mulder's on his way to 
a hospital, but it's not Georgetown. I don't know where he's 
heading, but it's in the city. I'll track him for as long as I 
can, after that, it's anybody's guess man..."

Langly was cut short when Scully emerged out of the corner she 
was hiding in.

"JEEZ!! Scully, you scared us! How long have you been there?" 
Frohike asked, clutching his chest.

"Long enough" was her reply. She glared at Langly and spoke 
again.

"When exactly were you going to tell me that Mulder was in a 
hospital? After I was called in to see about him? After I was 
called to identify his body? When, dammit?! Answer me!" she 
demanded. What scared the three men most was that her voice had 
retained a steady, flat calm. They had never seen Scully like 
this before. She almost had the urge to laugh at the look of pure 
terror on their faces and the way all three stepped back at the 
same time. The urge died somewhere between her brain and her 
lips. Glaring at the three cowering men, Scully was about to 
demand to know where Mulder was when her phone rang.

"Scully."

"Hello? Um, this is the guy from earlier, I just wanted to let 
you know that your friend is in the hospital. He's in pretty bad 
shape. He's in University Hospital." the stranger informed her.

"What's your name?" she asked the man.

"Name's not important. You may want to get down here."

"I'm on my way," she said then hung up her phone. Spinning on her 
heels, she marched to the door and began unlocking the locks.

"Guys, is it really necessary to have all these locks? I have one 
and it does me a lot of good," she said on her way out. She 
slammed the door and stood outside breathing deeply. Walking to 
her car she mumbled a prayer.

"Keep him safe for me. Please. I love him and I don't know what 
my life will be like without him. I don't WANT to know what my 
life will be without him in it. He completes me. He gives me a 
reason to keep going every day. Please, let me hold on to him for 
a little while longer."

=====

(1 DAY LATER)

   Mulder slowly opened his eyes and was met with deep blue pools 
of electric energy. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, 
recognizing the scent of strawberries.

Opening his eyes again, he was met with the same deep blue pools, 
but this time a voice accompanied them.

"Hey partner," it said softly.

It was Scully. She had found him.

"Hey," he croaked out, his throat dry.

"Here, let me get the ice chips," Scully said, eager to find an 
excuse to turn her face away until her emotions were back in 
check.

She turned back to him a few moments later and gave him a 
spoonful of ice chips.

"What happened Scully?"

She looked down, not wanting him to see how dark her eyes had 
become at his question.

"He nearly died Dana! That's what happened! He almost left you 
again." a voice in her mind spoke.

She lifted her head and looked at him.

"Mulder, why did you run off? You left me a letter and you ran 
away. Why did you do it?"

Mulder looked at the blanket that covered him and began to pick 
at some lint on it. How could he tell her that he was deathly 
afraid of her after he planted that letter? He could see the 
headline now... "FBI Agent Dead After Confessing Love For His 
Partner." That had nearly happened. He had nearly died.

"Mulder? Can you tell me WHY you did it?"

His head snapped up and he looked into her blue eyes. Before he 
could think, he spoke.

"Scully, I did it because I was afraid. I've been hurt many 
times. First Phoebe, then Diana. I couldn't go through it again. 
Phoebe was quite cruel when she broke up with me. She announced 
it in a room full of people, as loud as she could. I was so 
embarrassed, I couldn't move. Then there was Diana. Scully, Diana 
had a subtle way of hurting me, humiliating me, all the while 
making herself seem sincere and loving. Diana had a way of 
beguiling people. She could spread shit on toast and tell you it 
was honey. You'd eat it and thank her for the gesture afterward. 
That was just the type of person she was. After Diana, I was 
alone for a while. Then one day, seven years ago, you walked into 
my office. I was smitten right away. You had this something about 
you that I couldn't put my finger on. You announced your plans, 
but to be honest, I wasn't really listening. I was to mesmerized 
by you." He stopped and took a deep breath.

   "Scully, it took me seven years to finally do what I did. I 
told you I loved you once before, but because I was drugged up, 
you thought it was the drugs.It was me, the real me, what was in 
my heart." He stopped speaking and looked down at the blanket 
again.

"Mulder, look at me," Scully commanded softly. He looked up and 
was surprised when her lips met his in a tender kiss. She pulled 
back from him and looked down.

"Mulder, if you hadn't run away, if you had stayed, you would 
have known that I love you too. I was so afraid that I was going 
to lose..." she had to stop speaking as the tears that had formed 
in her eyes rolled silently down her face and her voice caught. 
Mulder intercepted the tears with his finger.

"Shh. Scully, please, don't cry. I'm here now."

As he spoke he cradled her face in his hand, allowing his thumb 
to caress her cheek.

She took a deep breath and spoke again.

"Mulder, I thought I was going to lose you. I've come so close so 
many times before until I thought that this was really the one 
where you would leave me. I was so scared! The whole time I 
thought about how I would survive without you and I concluded 
that my existence would be excruciatingly hard and very painful."

She stopped speaking again and closed her eyes.

"Scully, I left because I couldn't handle the thought of 
rejection and humiliation again. I thought you would have shot 
me!"

"Mulder, I..." she began.

"Shh. Let me finish. Since day one Scully. I have loved you since 
day one. I had nothing before you. You complete me. you make me 
whole. You keep me honest. I owe you everything Scully. And you 
owe me nothing. But you give me your love."

A smile played across Scully's lips as she recognized part of 
that speech from two summers ago. She decided that it was time to 
give him a speech of her own.

"Mulder, I do owe you. I owe you me, my life, my past, my 
present, my future. You saved me Mulder, you complete me. You 
risk it all for me time and time again. I owe you everything that 
is me Mulder, EVERYTHING. I love you and I will always love you. 
I loved you since I walked into that office on the first day. 
Mulder, I'm the one that owes you everything, and you are the one 
that owes me nothing," she said, her blue eyes flashing. She 
leaned in and brushed her lips across his softly. He raised his 
head a little and captured her lower lip in between his and began 
to kiss her. Someone cleared their throat behind them and they 
pulled apart swiftly.

"I can see that Agent Mulder is recovered."

It was Skinner. His face was stone serious and his voice was 
stern as he continued.

"Agent Mulder, do you realize what you have put your partner 
through?"

Mulder looked down and opened his mouth to speak.

"I don't want to hear the excuse Mulder. All I will say is, it's 
about time."

Mulder looked up at his boss in shock. The older man had a smile 
across his face that could rival the Kool-Aid man. Scully looked 
at Mulder and he saw how her eyes shone, joy and love in them. 
She smiled at him and he returned the smile. For the first time 
ever, he felt loved. He felt like a whole person.

-The End-

Feedback welcomed. Send to either address below.

Sean: Xx_APOCALYPSE_xX@yahoo.com or Kellee: MYLOVE19@yahoo.com

===== While it is said that the eyes are the soul's windows, I 
believe something else. If you have the time to look into 
someone's eyes and think: "I'm seeing their soul", you just have 
TOO much time on your hands. As Always... Much Love, Kellee